just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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