he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
