i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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