Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
