I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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