so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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