Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
