I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
