Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
