her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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