I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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