Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
