I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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