That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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