when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
