Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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