sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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