the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
