My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
