These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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