She announced her abortion via fbk
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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