now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Are my feet made of real feet?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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