Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
