dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
