If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
