I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
