i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
