You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
