That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
