Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
