You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
