your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The air was thick with penises
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
