dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
