It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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