I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
