Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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