Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
