I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
