I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
