I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
