Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Shame is for Republicans.
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