It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
