sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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