I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
