last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's just so happy...and so naked.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
