life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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