That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
