bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
