got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
