I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
