I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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