Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
