dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
