Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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