Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
