When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
