Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
