just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
