I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
