Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
