I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
