Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
