She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
