Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
